New breakthrough in water!

A free sample of an exciting new product lands on my desk. It is water – but not as we know it.

Traditional water – the stuff that has enabled life on this planet for some three billion years – is out. This is an improvement, using very fancy space-age technology.

The name is Aquaenergy…

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The blurb on the bottle says it has been filtered through 13,000 feet of lava (how long would that take?) in Hawaii and is renewable because they have 200 inches of rain there…

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The stuff they make the plastic bottles from, and which fuels the ships carrying the product from Hawaii to Hong Kong, is perhaps not renewable – but I guess it’s a start. It then says that this water is rich in ‘fine-tuned’ (as opposed to sloppy) ‘far infrared energy’ thanks to ‘unique patented Efficiency Enhancement Field Induction Technology (EEFIT)’…

Aq-2

Far infrared is some new-age quack therapy. EEFIT has a website promising a wide range of benefits in fields from energy to food production.

Just in case your bullshit detector hasn’t gone off yet, the blurb goes on to claim that molecules in this water ‘are in small clusters which contain a high oxygen capacity’…

Aq-3

I’m no scientist, but I do know that you get one atom of oxygen for every two of hydrogen in a water molecule, and if you put more oxygen in, it’s not water any more; it might be – for example – hydrogen peroxide. I also doubt that you can reorganize the molecules of room-temperature water into ‘small clusters’. We are then told that this water will enhance micro-circulation…

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…which is an actual thing, if not hugely interesting: blood flow in tiny vessels like capillaries. The blurb then goes all Mainland…

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…talking about Xinhua-style ‘positive energy’, insisting that the product is ‘modern’ and promising a solution to ‘sub-health problems’ – whatever they are.

There is a Aquaenergy website, complete with diagram of highly disciplined water molecules arranging themselves in neat star-shapes in order to permeate cells better than old crap-style water, and a reference to a Hong Kong Far Infrared Rays Association, who look like a bunch of hucksters, but who am I to say?

Aq-7

Of course you’re not wondering, but, yes – it looks, smells and tastes exactly like any other water. I declare the weekend open by raising my glass of it in a toast to the hilariousness of pseudo-science.

 

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15 Responses to New breakthrough in water!

  1. Chinese Netizen says:

    And don’t forget…shipping to and from Hawaii HAS to be done via Los Angeles or Long Beach FIRST because of some rules on no direct shipments being allowed, or something like that ( a “Jones Act” if I recall ). That alone makes the water EXTRA special as well as Belt & Roady…

  2. Henry says:

    No doubt it’ll be highly recommended by new age dietary nonsense peddlers like Gwyneth Paltrow….

  3. Hank Morgan says:

    Can’t wait to get a hold of some of this “positive energy” flat water.

    But why isn’t it sold in sheets or books!

    For now, I’m stuck with enjoying water cubes with my tDCS.

  4. Enid Evian says:

    I saw Fiji water in the world’s most expensive supermarket in Chung Hom Kok the other day.

    The difference between that and Aquaenergy is I think that one is filled by an old woman scratching her arse on a barge on Tai Kok Tsui harbourfront whilst the other is drained from my turtle bowl post defecation.

    You can sell Hong Kong people anything if you make it expensive and foreign.

  5. david price says:

    It’s some bloke who’s filling up from an old standpipe in Shau Kei Wan. ‘Far Infrared Rays’ is another way of saying ‘a smidgen of 1960’s rust’.

  6. LRE says:

    Well pardon me while I scoff and enjoy a nice cup of tea (which is nice and enriched in far infrared energy — or “hot” as we old traditionalists call it). If I recall, bottled water emits over 1,000 times more carbon than tap water, and even with far infrared enrichment boiling, shipping the tea and the milk and sugar, my cuppa is more eco friendly on the CO2 emissions. It actually does make the water taste different too.

    However, unlike Aquaenergy, I’m fairly sure my tea doesn’t align the water molecules into supporting zionism: which is probably another advantage on the whole, given my personal stance on Israel.

    Oxygenated water (ie any water exposed to air) is chemically possible. It’s just extra O2 molecules dissolved in the water — and there’s about 8 milligrams of O2 per litre of water at room temperature. This can be increased by pressurising the water with oxygen gas: each additional atmosphere of oxygen pressure adds about 40 mg into each litre), but lose the pressure and you lose the oxygen soon after.

    However the salient point is that oxygenated water is only really advantageous if you do your breathing with gills: those of us equipped with lungs should just take a deep breath if we want to increase the oxygen in our bodies: it’s far more efficient. Or to couch it more appealingly in marketing terms: it’s a low-carbon, organic, fully vegan, GMO-free, eco-friendly, hypoallergenic, gluten-free, low-carb, sugar-free, all-natural oxygen-enrichment system that won’t interfere with your paleo-diet (kosher and hal-al too).

  7. Cassowary says:

    “Infrared” means heat. “Far infrared” sounds like mumbo jumbo but probably means one tick over on the electromagnetic spectrum, which is microwaves. I have amazing Efficiency Enhancement Field Induction Technology in my office pantry, and so do you!

  8. reductio says:

    OMG! There are molecules in my water? Wow like how did that happen? Why doesn’t someone make a thing to filter out these “water molecules” so its safe to drink? My BFF Jancee (luv you babeeee) sez you gotta watch out for these “molecules” n also for “atoms”. Too scareee for meeee!

    Luv you guys
    Reduc(quck quack gedditt??!!) tio

  9. Walter De Havilland says:

    It’s a number of years since I passed my ‘A’ level in Chemistry, but I recall that water molecules that arrange themselves into an orderly pattern usually produce ice and the presence of any energy (even so-called ‘far infrared’) would discourage such a process. Anyway, I’m sure the gullible will be flocking to buy it.

  10. Knownot says:

    Returning to yesterday’s blog post.

    ‘Operation Complete Over-the-Top Freakout’

    Stop all the clocks, turn off the Internet.
    Tell the Jockey Club to cancel every bet.
    Keep the horses firmly in their stables.
    Stop all clicking at the mah-jong tables.

    Tell civil servants to dry-clean their suits.
    In the brothels, tell the prostitutes
    To put their panties on and close the door;
    Go to nunneries, they are not needed any more.

    Let buses, trains, and ferries rest in peace.
    Stop the joggers. Let all movement cease.
    Close the tunnels with an ominous clang.
    Fire the noonday gun each hour with a horrid bang.

    Close the stock exchange, the jewellery shops.
    Close McDonald’s. Call 6,000 cops.
    Zhang Dejiang is coming to Hong Kong.
    I thought he was of no importance. I was wrong.

    [with acknowledgement to ‘Funeral Blues’ by W.H. Auden]

  11. Arnaud says:

    A quick googling on the “founder” of this magnificient upgrading of water, and oh surprise Far infrared Ray is the best discovery of the millenium ( still give us 984 years to find better ) : http://www.nickwang.hk/
    Far infrared can be used for all purpose. health with water, pendant, Spa, facial pen but also your car health (tested by the Hong Kong Productivity council ?) all with the incredible power of Far infrared Ray that arrange the water molecule but also let electron vibrate “in allignement”!
    Homeopathy is dead long life to Far infrared Ray

  12. Old Newcomer says:

    I prefer another way to improve water: boil it up with malted barley and hops, add yeast, and leave it for a while to develop lots of positive energy. It tastes better too.

  13. Knownot says:

    “They were very rude to the ambassador.” – Queen Elizabeth II

    No-one would allude
    But everybody knew
    The Chinese can be rude.

    The Queen is rather shrewd
    And generally her view
    Cannot be construed.

    A microphone could hear.
    Her private words are known
    And so it would appear

    Xi’s visit late last year
    Its friendly “golden” tone
    Were really insincere.

    That is no surprise
    To people in Hong Kong
    Whose clear, perceptive eyes

    Could always realise
    That it was wrong
    To try to make the ties
    So warm and strong.

  14. Joe Blow says:

    Oh good, Shakespeare again.

  15. FOARP says:

    Yes, this thing about “micro-groups” or “micro-structures” in water is now a common trope in quack-science. My work touches on food-science and I’ve heard people swear by all sorts of things designed to break up these imaginary groupings – magnetic fields being a common one but I have also heard far-infrared radiation touted as a ‘cure’.

    Ordinary liquid water simply does not have any large-scale structures in it. If it did, it wouldn’t be liquid water. Even if it did, magnets would not affect it, nor would “far-infrared” except by heating the water to destroy the bonds (i.e., melt ice).

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