April Fool’s jokes aplenty

SCMP-MaidRecruitApril 1, and the joke stories in the South China Morning Post are rather good.

  • An exceptionally scummy-sounding business venture – importing indebted and impoverished women to work as maids – goes bust after (this is the give-away) caring and kindly officials in Burma have second thoughts about allowing their citizens anywhere near Hong Kong’s psycho housewives.
  • A public body’s boss resigns because she thinks her agency, the Urban Renewal Authority, should serve the people and not property developers (OK, so it’s a bit too absurd, but I laughed out loud).
  • And someone is willing to pay money for morally/financially/artistically bankrupt ATV – and that person is Ricky Wong, whose 2013 TV licence bid was rejected by the government to protect pro-Beijing tycoon players like… ATV.
  • Even advertisers join in the fun, with Fendi suggesting that the already-demented-looking among us might want to dress up in a shirt with non-matching sleeves while carrying a schoolkid’s cartoon case, complete with yellow furry bobble thing hanging off it.

Putting the jolly Fools’ Day japes to one side, we also learn that the Hong Kong government is out to measure ‘youth competitiveness’. Delving deeper, we find that the decision to gauge it was made before researchers actually knew, or asked, what it is…


After due consideration they decide that it is all sorts of things…


…most of “them” needing “to be” put “in” inverted “commas” in that slightly “disturbing” way “Chinese” state-owned “newspapers” do when “mentioning” things “they” don’t “like”.

(‘Living ability’?)

It is tempting to mock this mélange of sociology-babble, do-gooder hand-wringing about Time-JoshWong‘youth’ and bureaucratic fretting about Hong Kong’s place in the world. It is all too easy for us to sit on our laurels. How can Hong Kong – birthplace of such impressive youngsters as Time/Forbes/Fortune hero Joshua Wong – seriously doubt the competitiveness of its kids? Watching the students run rings round their stuffy and witless elders on that TV debate last year, who could doubt the superiority of the next generation?

Then, from our deadly rival Singapore, a new adolescent star bursts onto the scene: Amos Yee, whose magnificent good-riddance video rant at Lee Kuan Yew even incorporated a brief stomping for Christianity. Can Hong Kong match that? At the very least, we should consider setting up a Teenage Precocious Satirical-Slander Talent Quality Migrant Visa Scheme to get Amos up here and issued with an ID card.

Our ‘youth competitiveness’ campaign has its work cut out. It’s not every day a 17-year-old can justifiably smirk, but this one’s earned it…


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9 Responses to April Fool’s jokes aplenty

  1. dimuendo says:

    I could not get last year’s student debate with our “leaders” but the Amos Yee production on you tube is , to me, slick, edited, informative, articulate, thoughtful and uses intersting phraseology and imagery, notwithstanding his slight obsession with “dicks” (although in a different connection the term is apt). I particulary liked that he descibed the apparent 100,000 who stood in the rain for LKY funeral cortege as “necrophiliacs sucking on his [LKY] dick”. Should also be noted meant several million did not. How many are of Amos’s persuasion?

    Be intersting to see how the compliant courts treat him on 17th April or whenever he is formally dealt with. [ A former friend of mine who was then high up in the Sg government legal service and who subsequently became a judge, once said (when he was out of Sg) that the only way not to be convictd was to avoid being charged.]

    If Joshua and Amos keep their present stances, and become representative, then there is hope for HK and Sg.

    In the interim my horrids will be made to view Amos’s erudite production. Unfortuanately the only new words , even for the 12 year old, are likely to be olegious, necrophilic and similar.

    Apologies for the no doubt numerous remaining typos.

  2. dopey says:

    How entertainingly vulgar.

  3. gweiloeye says:

    “Currently, “competitiveness” is a general term with no standard explanation or a widely agreed definition.”

    Hold on wasn’t the anti-democracy lot using a similar argument. replace ‘competitiveness’ with ”democracy’ . spooky eh.

    as for Amos..got arrested for everything hong kong strives not to be, a communist or dictator state. but he pissed off more catholics than singaporeans. how telling is that.

  4. Cassowary says:

    Hong Kong’s older generation is cracked. On the one hand, they go to extreme lengths to ensure the best future for their own particular child, training them to be exam-busting, grammar nazi-ing, math-crunching, opera-singing, piano-playing, ballet-dancing, chess-champions by age 7 1/2.

    On the other hand, they go around buggering up the economy, social policy, the environment, and the political system, thereby ensuring that their children will inherit a great royal mess.

    And they are shocked, shocked to find that bloated resumes do not ensure their children instant financial success in an age of widening inequality and crony capitalism. Because every other kid has a resume just as bloated. So what do they do? They blame the kids. Son, your Mandarin sucks and you don’t have any real life problem solving skills because we’ve made you spend your entire life performing like a monkey. Sorry kid, you’re just a loser. And they wring their hands and commission (shoe-shining) studies on youth competitiveness.

    Then, when the kids finally flip out and say, enough of this bullshit, they tsk tsk and wonder what is wrong with kids these days. And the intelligent ones, the ones who develop a mind of their own in spite of their upbringing, oh, those are the worst. Spoilt brats. No respect. Should’ve done what they were told, then they would’ve gotten into Oxford and gone to work for Goldman Sachs, instead of mucking around on the street like a bunch of filthy beggars.

  5. gweiloeye says:

    cassowary, was that rant meant for another entry, or did i miss the point?

  6. Scotty Dotty says:

    Perfect summary from Cassowary! That’s Hong Kong education in a nutshell. “Because every other kid has a resume just as bloated…” Exactly the problem.

  7. Chinese Netizen says:

    Excellent summary, Cassowary, and I’d add to:
    “On the other hand, they go around buggering up the economy, social policy, the environment, and the political system, thereby ensuring that their children will inherit a great royal mess.”
    with the fact that most that can even afford to do everything the overbearing “Tiger” parents do, will make sure their precious needn’t inherit anything and have no loyalty to any one place because they will, in true HK Chinese manner, hold citizenships/residencies in a minimum of 3 different jurisdictions (Hongkouver/London/NYC/Sydney/Shanghai) in addition to using HK as a money making and banking base.

  8. Simplicissimus says:

    Another cracking tour de force from Lychee. Cogent, coherent and straight to the point – unlike the HKG Administration. Amos LEE’s video well worth a watch. Bottom line if your credo ( whatever it is ) cannot take a joke then it’s got major problems. Unfortunately for Amos looks like he’s going to see the inside of pokey. Poor B’tard. Does that exempt him from Nat. Service in SG ?

  9. Red Dragon says:

    Well, well, well!

    I’d never heard of Amos Yee (we lead sheltered lives on Lantau), but I’ve jolly well heard of him now. The boy’s a genius!

    Having just watched half a dozen random examples of his oeuvre, he can now consider me a fan. His piece on Singlish is a hoot.

    Unfortunately, and before too long, he’ll no doubt be seeing the inside of one of the Lion City’s clean but spartan places of detention, not to mention nursing a rattan-striped arse. But given the fact that even Harry’s number 1 son probably doesn’t have the clout to make the cheeky little bugger swing for his lese majeste, I’m hoping that young Amos will be back in business soon.

    It occurs to me that when he gets out, we should invite him up to Honkers to do a spot of cabaret. I’d certainly chip in. Alternatively, if there’s any young kid with the balls, the panache, and the English to become this little old World City’s very own Amos Yee, I’d urge him or her to step forward right now. We need people like Amos. Badly.

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