Carrie can now ‘look Hongkongers in the face’

When London’s Buckingham Palace was bombed during World War II, Britain’s then-Queen supposedly said she was glad because she could ‘look the [heavily damaged port area] East End in the face’. Something sort-of/roughly/maybe-not-remotely similar has happened in Hong Kong.

Our own regal residence, Government House, has been visited by our own approximate version of the Luftwaffe-as-contributor-to-urban-aesthetics: the Architectural Services Department. During a recent assault on the Chief Executive’s official mansion, the wreakers of destruction took a perfectly pleasant tennis court and left it a barren wasteland – or as their perverted ideology terms it, a ‘sitting out area’.

The phrase is actually described as ‘Hong Kong English’. It means a patch of inner-city space occupying too little area to benefit property developers, covered with concrete, pot plants and benches to make a nasty public sub-sub-sub-park. And the Architectural Services Dept have not held back in this case, installing typically repulsive vegetation, even more-un-sittable-than-usual seating, and – for extra vileness – embellishing the original shiny vomit-green playing surface of the tennis court…

…imparting an unmistakable, indeed uncanny, impression of grass.

CE Carrie Lam understandably disowns any responsibility for this intrusion into what is not just her front yard but a historic monument. Still, as the workmen pin up the ‘Beware of Rat Poison’ sign and the local street-sleeper stuffs his plastic bags behind a plastic-wood fence, she can now hold her head up and let other citizens see that she too has to live alongside the Pearl of the Orient’s uniquely mindless municipal charm.


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11 Responses to Carrie can now ‘look Hongkongers in the face’

  1. Stephen says:

    Carrie can now look HK’ers in the face II

    Carrie tells Big Mick Chugani, on his program “Straight Talk” (you know the show where Chugani relentlessly licks pro establishment guests), that her pension will only cover half the cost of a three bedroom flat in the New Territories. Carrie, I feel your pain, my MPF will cover a slap up meal in McDonalds.

  2. Chinese Netizen says:

    As if the puppet would live in HKCCPAR after she’s done with this farce

  3. Joe Blow says:

    I see you have a new bookmark logo: something with a ‘b’ and a lychee.

  4. DandyFAGUs says:

    Surely if she follows BowTie’s lead she can get her own little 6,000′ pied a terre oop north or conversely HKD$7M will buy most of Bournemouth – white picket fence et al.

  5. LRE says:

    I look forward with absolutely no trepidation to CY Lam’s appearance in the tepid seat on “Cake walk with Michael Shoeshini” and I suspect even CY Lam isn’t officially up to Beige Alert about it.

    I used to think Shoeshini was the Geoffrey Howe of political interviewers but the whole “savaged by a dead sheep” epithet really doesn’t do justice to the unrestrained full service saliva bidet that is Shoeshini interviewing the unelected worthies of our new kleptocracy. The only powerful thing about Shoeshini’s interviews are their emetic effect, which is right up there with that horrible green eyesore.

  6. Cassowary says:

    You would think it’s mindless, but it is actually quite impressive just how bad Hong Kong manages to make its sitting-out areas. The waist-high surrounding wall, the sad shrubbery, the uncomfortable metal seats positioned exactly to give you a stunning view of the public toilets, the ghastly pink bathroom tile, the absence of useful shade. It is an achievement to fit so many bad design decisions into such a small space. This is no mindlessness, it is a calculated work of architectural hostility.

    Other cities somehow manage to make perfectly serviceable pocket parks with their little leftover bits of land – New York puts out some cheap lawn furniture and it’s fine. Add a coffee kiosk, and it can even be quite pleasant.

  7. HillnotPeak says:

    And what is it with government planted palm trees? Every outdoor mega project need palm trees it seems. They hardly grow in this climate, they don’t give shade and they are out of place. As useless as the government.

  8. Joe Blow says:

    I saw Christine Loh in the street in CWB this evening. She looked and walked like a bag lady. None of the fake, perky hipness anymore.

  9. LRE says:

    Also I think comparing the Architectural Services Department to the Luftwaffe is grossly unfair.

    The Luftwaffe and indeed the RAF and USAAF were nowhere near as casually pernicious and evil — their bombing was a dreadful means to a defined end. The ASD on the other hand appear to be pursuing their wanton acts of barbarism in a far far more cavalier fashion, trashing the city “just for jolly”.

    Perhaps not least because unlike the aforementioned air forces the ASD has yet to encounter any resistance to their campaign of terror.

  10. Joe Blow says:

    True anecdote: I was meeting an architect of the Architectural Service Dept. It got quite late, so I asked him: ‘Don’t you have to be in the office tomorrow ?’. He replied: ‘Yes I do, but I never get into the office before 10 AM’.
    Me: ‘Your boss doesn’t mind ?’
    Him: ‘My boss never gets into the office before 11 AM’.

  11. Cassowary says:

    @HillnotPeak The reason for the palm trees is that they’re easy to maintain. When a leaf falls off, the LCSD workers only have to pick up one big leaf. None of this sweeping up nonsense.

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