Today has been cancelled…

…owing to extreme shock. Someone has openly acknowledged that golf is boring

The great awakening begins. The truth about the world’s most mind-numbing pastime is at last dawning.

The number of self-consciously upwardly mobile pre-middle-aged corporate females plodding around Central with a club slung over their shoulder has been visibly declining over the last few years. One such couple I know, for whom golf was up there with having an Alphard and getting their little princess into the right kindergarten, have given up the tedious procession around holes and bunkers in favour of – boxing!

It’s better exercise, they report. And, when they discuss the hobby in company, the people listening don’t doze off like they used to.

The MarketWatch article lists various challenges facing the walking-while-hitting-ball concept. Among them is the amazing discovery that the courses take up large amounts of space, which could be used as parkland, or to grow food or provide housing. The late great George Carlin is vindicated.


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11 Responses to Today has been cancelled…

  1. Seve Bollocksteros says:

    For pity’s sake, please have some empathy for those who enjoy golf.

    What other excuse can they use for dressing like clowns, without needing to join the circus ?

  2. Chris Maden says:

    Like supporters of Brexit and Trump, I think you may be gloating too soon…

  3. HK Phooey says:

    I concur.

    Perhaps releasing a pack of hunting dogs onto the course during play would liven things up.

  4. oldgit says:

    One gave up golf at age 16 after one, using a number 5 iron as a driver, had driven the pill through the Clubhouse picture window.

    One’s grandfather, present at the event, informed one that the Club rules required gentlemen to refrain from swearing when playing.

    One replied that, when playing golf, one was not a gentleman, but grandfather wouldn’t wear that.

  5. Chinese Netizen says:

    @HK Phooey: Can they be RABID hunting dogs??


    “Golf is designed to enable White men to legitimately dress like Black men.”

    Be honest though. All things considered, many will be surprised you are not a keen golfer by now.

    Just saying…

  7. LRE says:

    Ahhh golf: a good walk spoiled.
    To be honest it’s about time somebody pointed out that the rugby sevens is so boring that spectators pretty much have to go with lots of friends, get drunk, dress up and have other, less dull things going on in between bouts of it to make it interesting enough to go.
    In fact, we as a species should just come clean and confess that despite all the desperate hype, pretty much any sport where no one dies or gets maimed is dull to watch, no matter how fun it is to play.

  8. Probably says:

    One either has a functional and mutually beneficial relationship with one’s wife…or they play golf. The two are mutually exclusive.

  9. reductio says:


    Something like extreme free-climbing: no ropes and wearing a blindfold. Bet on who’s going to drop off first.

  10. Joe Blow says:

    I bet Paul Chan Mo-po is a golfer. That sort. Anything to ‘move up’.

  11. LRE says:

    That’s the sort of thing — perhaps with some sort of apex predator like mountain lions or sharks at the very least, really.

    Although with drones getting cheaper and more sophisticated, I foresee in the near future, televised sports-style coverage of some ruinous civil war… a decent spectacle needs some explosions and belt-fed weaponry. Brought to you by JSOC in association with Cathay Pacific, HSBC, Raytheon and Carlsberg (picture that “if Carlsberg did civil wars” advert tie-in, every 15 minutes. Although perhaps Pepsi would be the more likely candidate…).
    That’s some proper, prurient interest, cheap-to-produce reality TV that the masses will go for.
    “Oh-ho, Tony! I think we need to go to the instant replay on that last mortar strike!”
    “Super, Ralph. Let’s do that…”

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