Hong Kong goes viral


Anyone who remembers the previous day’s death toll being read out on the radio every morning in early 2003 will understand why Hong Kong gets a bit panicky when a mysterious infectious disease breaks out somewhere. And when it happens, the government will be blasted whatever it does. Issue ‘travel health advice’ about MERS-stricken Korea yesterday, and that’s wrong. Issue a ‘red outbound travel alert’ today, and that’s wrong, too. Kneel and confess.

The WHO, the UK and most other countries are not warning people to stay away from Korea. The Mid East Respiratory Syndrome has claimed a handful of victims there so far. Statistically, you are more likely to choke to death on a big mouthful of kimchee or be struck by lightning. But in Hong Kong, the most unforgivable crime of any official at times like this is to be calm; if you’re not jumping up and down and freaking out, you’re putting our lives at risk. The only greater inhumanity imaginable is that of the travel agents who might not fully compensate people whose trips to Seoul have been cancelled.

It is presumably not a coincidence that the neighbourhood around the Mid-Levels Escalator has noticed a sharp drop in the number of Korean tourists crowding around the World’s Leading Egg Tarts Emporium and other supposed attractions. Maybe this is to do with the recent two-week incarceration of some of their countrymen on suspicion that they may be carriers of the pestilence. Certain business interests no doubt fear that this will damage our tourism industry, which indeed prompts a sobering thought: this is one of the few times we can officially treat tourists like crap, so let’s make the most of it.

To reassure the community and maintain a sense of perspective, Oriental Daily hereby announces the ‘new SARS’…


I also notice from the South China Morning Post’s photo that the Diseased Koreans Internment Camp out in the New Territories has what must be the most over-written speed-limit sign in history. Are the inmates in Stanley Prison who make these things being paid by the word? A simple ‘5kph’ or just a ‘5’ in a red ring would do the trick – the intended audience may have little time left to live.

On the subject of design, the Most Hideous and Grotesque Consumer Item of the Day Award goes to this monstrosity…


In fairness, it looks great to bees.


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11 Responses to Hong Kong goes viral

  1. old git says:

    Honey bees are confused by the colour blue and they don’t much care for purple either. Their little feet would get all tangled up on that bag and it would be stung, too.

  2. Hills says:

    On other news: did you see that article in the Apple Daily about a fat, ugly Deutsche Bank banker, trying to escape a police speed check driving his Ferrari INTO A PARKING GARAGE? What a cunt. Guess he was hi or drunk. Promote him to the Board, I say.

  3. PD says:

    May I suggest that a more appropriate name might be Diseased Internment Camp for Koreans?

    Like the recipes that insist that chicken and eggs must be cooked for at least 30 minutes, there is no suggestion that HK officials are trying to actually help the citizenry lead happier or more fruitful lives. They’re just trying to protect their own backs.

    I read somewhere that Peking’s reinterpretation of the Basic Law is going to be (re)interpreted by Ronny: surely a prima facie case of leche-majeste? Off with his head!

  4. PD says:

    In breaking news, an official body has claimed that it is dangerous for China that people with black skin live in HK: see http://rthk.hk/rthk/news/englishnews/news.htm?main&20150610&56&1106419

  5. Chinese Netizen says:

    Less Koreans: Win!
    D.I.C.K. : Brilliant! (Good one, PD)
    HK “leaders” running in circles like Chicken Little and trying to act relevant: Typical
    HK People: Fucked, as usual.
    That Handbag: Would love to see tai-tais get into hair pulling smackdown mode in the boutique against mainlanders over who gets to pay the most first for the monstrosity, all while the Italian designer laughs to the bank.

  6. gweiloeye says:

    And can someone please explain Chugani’s schizophrenic column today. Doesn’t seen to know whether he is Arthur or Martha.

  7. NIMBY says:

    MIRS, makes me think of a certain radio host and her frequent guest, a rather obnoxious Libertard Thunk-tank arse-licker.

    Almost as bad as the contagion that the Koreans share with HK in bulk is Tiger Mom. The malls spit these hags out like plastic injections machines, Plasticine hags who’s vaginas run dry after the birth of their intended torture victims.


  8. Joe Blow says:

    gweiloeye: reading the Pro China Morning Post is not cool. In the same way that going to eat or drink in Semen’s new tower (forgot the name) is not cool. Yes, certain people do that or go there, but you do not want to be one of them. Likewise, reading HK Magazine -now part of Kuok empire- is no longer cool, if it ever was. Buying a paper cup of coffee from Starfux and walking around the mall is not cool. Eating one grape a day and calling yourself a ‘model’ is not cool. Calling yourself Rimsky is seriously uncool. Selling out your principles and beliefs and going to work for 689 is not cool. And there are other things.

  9. PCC says:

    The reduction in mainland tourists is palpable. The doors on the MTR trains no longer require several attempts before closing.

  10. Chinese Netizen says:

    Chugani is trying desperately to remain relevant these days. Hanging on by fingernails to keep the income flowing so he can pay the despised landlords that keep forcing him to move and then write columns about it.

  11. reductio says:

    @ Joe Blow

    Disagree. This morning’s SCMP came in an amazing 4 page wraparound with very artistic black and white photographs of genius jongleur Justin Bieber. Thanks to this I now know that to complete my ‘look’ I need to cover my body with tattoos and walk around with my underwear clearly visible while adopting an air of terminal ennui. Without the SCMP I would never have known this.

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