An exceptionally early start to the weekend

Click to read Deteriorata!

Click here to hear it as originally performed on a National Lampoon album.

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Click to hear Hyper Evangelist broadcaster Todd Friel versus Christopher Hitchens!

I hadn’t, until recently, heard of the Emergent Church. It is essentially a backlash against the hardcore Evangelism that says if you don’t believe in Noah’s Ark you will go to Hell. Emergents, it seems, believe in being nice to other people, and don’t accept – for example – that God will condemn even undiscovered Amazonian tribesmen to eternal damnation for never having heard of him. Some of them also burn incense at their services, which is akin to Catholicism and thus Devil-worship. They sound like complete bores, but enthusiasts for this sort of thing may enjoy Todd railing against this evil here and here and not help but liking them, whatever they are.

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Click to see something free to do tomorrow morning with Duncan Pescod (what do you mean “who?”), Jake van der Kamp, Alan Leong and others!

Five-hundred square foot apartments are becoming unaffordable for most people. The Hong Kong government’s solution is to encourage developers to… make even smaller ones!

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Very simple: what does this map show?

How interesting* that the nine states that score 30% or more are contiguous – though these same loser states often occupy similar rankings in statistics. Even more curious, perhaps, is that the only state (discarding DC) that scores below 20% (Colorado) adjoins Loser-land, just, courtesy of the Oklahoma panhandle. Yet more tantalizing, for people who read too much into strange patterns, is that the West Virginia panhandle almost touches DC.

*If you like that sort of thing.

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18 Responses to An exceptionally early start to the weekend

  1. Amina says:

    The map shows the percentage of people in each state who want to shoot Christopher Hitchens?

  2. Kemal says:

    Is it the percentage of Americans who can find America on a map of the world?

  3. boo says:

    It looks like Jesus to me, with his arms outspread. So over 30% waiting for and ready for the Rapture.

  4. Foxtrotosca says:

    The darker states commonly refer to wine as ‘jesus juice’

  5. Historian says:

    Number of states who believe that their inclusion on a reduced US map could contribute to it looking like a pizza delivery boy holding a tennis ball?

  6. Maugrim says:

    Hmmm, those who believe that:
    a) Listening to heavy metal = fornicating with the devil
    b) Obama is the anti-christ
    c) Possum fat and lye are two major food groups
    d) Readin’ and writin’ is for cissies and uppity city folk

  7. boo says:

    @Historian
    Jesus has returned as a pizza delivery boy to save mankind with delicious Memphis BBQ Chicken Pizza.

  8. NematodeWatch says:

    What strange heroes you have and how revealing!

    Hitchens is the only documented case of a butterfly who metamorphised into a slug. He even looks like one.

    Has the same fate befallen you? Of course not..you were never liberal, right?

  9. Samuel Clemens says:

    Nice way to talk about a guy who is dying of cancer.

  10. duncan says:

    It is a map of the human brain. The red iner core represents the limbic or primitive brain responsible for knee-jerk responses such as hating faggots and loving big trucks. The outer neo-cortex is the later (in evolution) and more developed brain that brings the benfits of civilised behaviour and the ability to pronounce ‘nuclear’ correctly. Coincidentally, it is also a map of voting patterns in the USA.

  11. isomoliu says:

    Dr. William Dietz, who heads CDC’s nutrition, physical activity and obesity division, says Colorado is a state with a reputation for exercise, and an elevation that causes the body to labor a bit more.

  12. Mike Hunt says:

    The states with the highest number of MBA’s per capita ?

  13. passable says:

    How bust each one is relative to the Fed’s busty substance.

    And the bank profits results reports which came out this week just have to be goosed. They rely on derivative synthetic contracts with counter-parties which, according to IAAP Standards, do not have to be consolidated.

    I spent part of this p.m. going over an IAAP tax-consolidation point with a multi-national client and its tax accounts. They (the client – an industrial group) are straight-laced but their auditors are so far up themselves that they said that my proposal to consolidate a set of actually tax-assessed tax entries was against their practice’s handbook; AND that their lawyers had advised that deviation from the handbook meant a negligence claim.

    I opined that it was negligence its very self to mislead my client and avoid that by relying on the all-time favourite – legal advice. But it went straight over their auditory pin-heads. (I won-over the client out of auditor ear-shot – if that isn’t a contradiction in terms). So we now have an absurd situation where the auditor’s clean certificate itself is audited and qualified, but not by IAAP Standards.

    The whole show is fake and this lot will continue on until reporting as at 31 Dec 2012.when the very Pleiades themselves shall burst forth into weeping.

  14. its a percentage of the people in each state who’ve married their cousins

  15. Benton D Struckcheon says:

    Looks like a Klansman with arms outstretched railin’ agin’ nigras & papists to me.
    Must be the number of folks w/o indoor plumbing. Or the number of folks with three hounds or more sleeping under the front porch. Or maybe both?

  16. Sam Ervin says:

    Unlike most of the commenters here, I’ve been to some of those places and have friends and acquaintances from that neck of the woods.

    It is a map of some of the most gentlemanly, kindest, most hospitable, and soft-spoken people you’ll find anywhere in the world.

    You just won’t find them on TV.

  17. gunlaw says:

    Alabama $60,672,471
    California $476,257,070
    Florida $238,864,755
    Georgia $126,650,987
    Illinois $166,352,726
    Indiana $82,762,859
    Kentucky $55,588,050
    Michigan $128,461,559
    Mississippi $38,036,950
    Nevada $34,056,581
    New Jersey $112,200,638
    North Carolina $120,874,221
    Ohio $148,728,864
    Oregon $49,294,215
    Rhode Island $13,570,770
    South Carolina $58,772,347
    Tennessee $81,128,260
    Washington, DC $7,726,678

    This is the list of states that will receive funds from the government to aid their unemployed homeowners from having their homes foreclosed on… The total is $1 billion…and counting

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