Official hypocrisy on nematodes revealed

The Hong Kong government warns its seven million alert and enterprising citizens against deliberately ingesting the parasitical nematode Ascaris to lose weight.  Ascaris is the reason we don’t eat pork rare.  Most of us, of course, even if we could usefully shed a few pounds, instinctively know not to swallow the eggs of worms that grow to over a foot long and congregate within us in enormous, intestine-clogging clumps:

Who exactly are the small minority who would actually do this?  I would like to think they are drawn from the less-educated among us; they are probably exceptionally vain and shallow, and – it grieves me to say it – almost entirely female.  The average young Hong Kong working woman spends around 30%* of her income on cosmetics and quack skin treatments involving gamma rays, capsules of ‘serum’ and masks of exotic green mud that purport to turn faces cadaver-white and even change the shape of the chin.

The idea is that, by investing all this wealth in her appearance and scrawniness, she will attract and marry a rich man who will enable her to live the sort of lifestyle portrayed in TV commercials for quasi-luxury apartments, swishing between sports cars and ballrooms in long dresses, surrounded by out-of-focus sparkling objects and murmurings about elegance and exclusiveness.  If she saved and invested the same amount of money at that age, she could look forward to a life of economic independence – but how do you market index tracker funds as the glamorous accessory every helpless, simpering, emaciated, vacant-looking bim must have?

Oddly enough, in the same breath, the very same Big Lychee government is welcoming a public petition in favour of a different, and far more nefarious, form of bloodsucker.  The 1.1/1.3/1.6 million signatures collected by the pro-Beijing camp backing the administration’s non-reforms to the electoral system are a bit too numerous to ring true; only the Communist-backed Wen Wai Po and Ta Kung Pao give the story serious prominence, and even the Standard quotes skeptics pointing out that the signatures must have been pouring in at the rate of 14.9 a minute.

Still, it is surprising that anyone not named Li or Kwok would put their name to a campaign in favour of retaining a political structure all but designed to enable a few rich families to cartelize domestic markets in essential goods and services and thus leech off the general population.  It’s double-standards for parasites.  Infect a handful of anorexics, and officials hurl abuse at you for causing vomiting, diarrhea, malnutrition and pancreatic duct obstruction; screw the whole community through padded power, grocery, transport and housing bills, and they give you functional constituencies.

*Or 25% or something – a lot, anyway.

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16 Responses to Official hypocrisy on nematodes revealed

  1. Dr Anonymous says:

    I guess we have a real policy problem here, Hemmie.

    All of your writings assume that somewhere out there, there are good, non-parasitic, fair-minded individuals in Hong Kong (the majority, who ‘ DESERVE BETTER’).

    They are, according to you, responsible and democratic in the sense that they are willing to give human rights to other people (the right to quiet, manners, non-exploitation and so on.) They have, somewhat mysteriously, matured.

    I cannot agree with you.

    Parasites and oligarchs are exactly what Hong Kong people deserve. In almost a quarter of a century I have seen no substantial evidence of an inherent spirit of fairness and democracy amongst Hong Kong people. They shirk civic responsibility of any kind. They worship wealth and its trappings. They believe in themselves first and blow everyone else. They are unwilling to fight for their rights. They are unwilling to give them to others.

    If they are denied what they want, some choose to throw themslves and their child over a balcony in a paroxysm of self-centredeness.

    Your argument falls at the first hurdle. You present yourself as a realist and a fringe idealist but in fact you are just an agent provocateur toying with notions of idealism.

  2. Chanboy says:

    Sounds like another Hong Kong hater. Like we sure need more of them.

    But then again, all these dieting using worms reminds of the whole “Kong girl/Kong nui” thing. Vain and shallow girls who have an inflated sense of their self-worth. If they are so stupid as to put worms into their bodies to shed a few pounds, well I say let them, this is just darwinism at work.

  3. Dr Anonymous says:

    I love Hong Kong and was here before you were born if you are indeed a boy, Chanboy.

    The low rents (if you are not a daft expat), the cheap food (if you know where and how to shop) the low income tax, the excellent public health care and public transport, the cheap and ubiquitous Internet, the hundreds of lovely girls (one eschews the handbag fanatics), the colourful street scenes, the view over Stanley Bay, swimming nearly all year round.

    More than anything else we have a government which leaves people alone on the whole. Try getting that in Europe. We also have very predictable citizens who are non-violent and hard-working. Most are affable, kind and sweet. No mugging, no hate crime, no vandalism, no class war.

    What more could one desire?

    Leave them alone and stop filling their untutored minds with ideas they do not understand. If they want to go to Europe or lead their society into the future, that is a different matter of course. But that’s a job for experts like me, not for bloggers and businessmen and politicians.

  4. Chanboy says:

    My apologies, Dr. Anonymous. But as to your point that we deserve our government, well, hmmm. It has to do with the environment. Growing without political power, that makes what they are. But this can be changed, could’nt it?

  5. Dr Anonymous says:

    Well people have to continue to DEMAND rights but also BEGIN TO GIVE THEM TO OTHERS. That’s a crucual point. All I see in Hong Kong is people demanding rights. How about giving people courtesy, fairness in the workplace, standing up for colleagues, not taking up more and more of the pavement with your stall?

    We need revolution in Hong Kong, not political action. But people may lose their cosy little lives and have to make sacrifices that way. I can’t imagine there are more than a hundred people in Hong Kong willing to do that.

    How many members does the pisspoor Democratic Party have? Have they ever forged any real links to the trade unions? Have they ever pushed for a general strike? Have they ever called for a Civic Crimes Tribunal to try the Lis?

    Revolution brings about social change, not protests or democracy. It is a dirty business and involves assassinations and hanging the landlords (Mao’s first action).

    If you are not prepared to get your hands dirty, you should just shut up and enjoy the view. I do.

  6. Chanboy says:

    Courtesy and fairness in Hong Kong?? What will be the world come to.

  7. Chanboy says:

    I was kidding on that. 🙂 Sarcastic humour.

  8. Sam says:

    Dear Dr. Anonymous,

    You say you want a revolution,
    Well, you know,
    We all want to change the world.

    You say you got a real solution,
    Well, you know,
    We’d all love to see the plan.

    But when you want money for people with minds
    that hate,
    All I can tell you is, Brother, you have to wait.

    Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright.

    You say you’ll change the Constitution,
    Well, you know,
    We all want to change your head.

    You tell me it’s the institution,
    Well, you know,
    You better free your mind instead.

    But if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao,
    You ain’t going to make it with anyone anyhow.

    Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright.

  9. Dr Anonymous says:

    I think I got the point after the first line.

    I also remember singing it the year it came out.

    Apart from cutitng and pasting, what else can you do?

    I’m looking for tutors for my business…must be Oxford grad or equivalent though…guess that counts you out.

  10. Sam says:

    Yeah, that definitely cunts me out.

  11. Tiu Fu Fong says:

    There are few examples of democracy in a Chinese cultural context and those that exist don’t give me much confidence in the Chinese + democracy experiment. I’m probably too infected by Western liberalism and undergraduate leftism and judging Taiwan and Singapore by those standards.

    On the other hand, the Taiwanese people I’ve met are a generally more rounded sort that HKers, perhaps as a result of democracy? Alternatively, maybe it’s because I largely meet the Western educated Taiwanese. However, the most well rounded, sensible-yet-crazy Taiwanese person I know is a pizza shop owner brought up in Taipei cultural boarding school and university, singing Beijing opera and prancing about on stage.

  12. Virgil Tibbs says:

    The real parasite here is Dr George Adams.

    You started a website and it failed. You started a magazine and it failed. Now you’ve found a host in which to lay your eggs of “wisdom”.

    This blog is several times more informative and witty than anything you’ve ever written. Just go away.

  13. Historian says:

    What did happen to ntscmp? Did the subscribers get a refund?

  14. Carroll O'Connor says:

    They call me Mr. Tibbs.

  15. stanley says:

    Maybe if Da Dr Anonymous presented as just plain mister…….? Not his style

  16. Dr Bloggerbaiter says:

    I sold twenty times more books than Hemmie!

Comments are closed.