Messi ‘black hand’ revealed

OK – I’ve now worked it out. Messi killed JFK. Elvis is still alive – living with Mao in a secret base on the moon. The CIA brainwashed Hong Kong people into thinking unaffordable housing was bad. Covid vaccines turn you into Regina Ip. Tatler magazine upholds 36,000 years of Chinese civilization, but still ends up hurting the feelings. 

It must be true because it says so in the newspaper…

Beijing-controlled media outlet Ta Kung Pao now claims that Messi’s non-performance in HK must be a foreign plot to embarrass HK, because the father of Inter Miami’s owners was apparently a former anti-Castro CIA operative.

All this and Rod Stewart cancels.

Have a good holiday.

This entry was posted in Blog. Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Messi ‘black hand’ revealed

  1. Man of constant sorrow says:

    Was gonna make a joke about Rod Stewart’s famous Blackhand Bags and Gladrags but given the source of wealth behind Regina Ip’s mansions and furs, the original line is probably better left alone.

  2. Chinese Netizen says:

    Keep it up, HKCCPSARG and your lapdog barkers in the local so-called press.
    Soon enough NO ONE will be bothered to pop into “Asia’s World City” as part of a concert tour, sports ball event or international hoidy toidy networking show where everyone has little portable mics glued to their faces and pats each other on the back.

  3. Mark Bradley says:

    “Unless Messi manages to overturn the lopsided public opinion within China his match last year in Beijing Workers’ Stadium against Australia would be the farewell performance of his career in the country,” Xu wrote

    Messi is a billionaire. He doesn’t give a shit. And the “black hands” conspiracy theory is some of the lamest more glass hearted shit ever.

  4. Low Profile says:

    When did The Standard adopt American spelling? It’s “Axe” in English.

  5. reductio says:

    The guy (Messi, not Rod) probably did have a bit of a twinge in his leg. Then he did a quick risk reward analysis: “I’m getting paid the same whatever I do, it’s a friendly against … (looks at programme)… Hong Kong, who are like 93rd in the world just after Bhutan, so I’ll chill it.”

    Black hand of the foreign devils? You wish.

  6. Asia's World Pity says:

    “During his concert in Argentina, Stewart paid tribute to the Argentine national team and Messi. He referred to Messi as ‘my friend’ and shared a video of the celebrations that followed Argentina’s World Cup victory over France.”

    Someone tell Regina!!

  7. HKJC Irregular says:

    @Low Profile – The Stranded has had US spelling since the Tiger Balm days; as do English-text newspaper in Japan, where Messi played so beautifully.

  8. Chinese Netizen says:

    Local media and government talking head reactions to all this, manufacturing a kerfuffle in a weak attempt to appear in-sync with the footy loving/betting proles.

    Talk about scoring own goals.

  9. Knownot says:


    Dragon, Dragon, breathing flame,
    Calls a number, calls a name.
    Calls the number, ‘23’,
    ‘National Security’.

    What cruel hand, and what cruel claw,
    Hardens still the Basic Law?
    What dark sins, and what dark crimes?
    Wipe them out ten thousand times.

    What collusion, foreign planned,
    Shady, secret, underhand?
    What resistance, soft or hard,
    Must be punished, banned, and barred?

    What new losses, what new laws,
    Fashioned by the Dragon’s claws?
    Dragon fumes and flips his tail.
    Write a slogan, go to jail.

    Fleeing from the Dragon’s bite,
    Lost in forests of the night.
    Dragon, Dragon, breathing flame,
    Calls a number, calls a name.

    [after ‘The Tyger’ by William Blake]

  10. Patience is its own reward says:

    Why would foreigners waste time and money on plotting to embarrass HKSARG, when — as amply demonstrated by the CCP’s CNY soft power video shoot at the St Pancras piano — all they need to do is wait?

  11. Reactor #4 says:

    I am glad that Rod Stewart is not coming to HK. He is crap (Mike Rowse can vouch for me – he didn’t bring him to perform at Harbourfest).

  12. justsayin says:

    Courtesy of the obvious puns department: It certainly has become a very Messi situation altogether

  13. Low Profile says:

    I never knew Mike Rowse was a music critic. And given R#4’s appalling taste in politics, it’s not surprising that his musical opinions are equally dubious. There were millions of musicians not invited to perform at Harbourfest. However, Rod Stewart did sell out the Asiaworld Expo some years back with a concert which I enjoyed.

  14. Business as usual says:

    If this was a black-handed event, everybody who bought a ticket to get in may be guilty of colluded with foreign forces and may be imprisoned for up to life.

  15. Chinese Netizen says:

    Today’s article in The Atlantic, “Hong Kong Is Self-Destructing” reads as though Hemmers himself might have written it. What say you, sir? No need to be bashful.

  16. Mark Bradley says:

    In case anyone wants to read “Hong Kong Is Self-Destructing” without the paywall:

  17. Mary Melville says:

    Kenneth Lau drew the 15th fortune stick, which revealed the following prophetic verse: “With an axe in hand, one ventures into the forest; where to find what is not yet obtained. Loss of talented materials leads to diminished strength. Offer your loyalty and await the arrival of spring.”
    Hmm ………….. so what has this got to do with lifting ‘spicy’ housing measures? But then our vested interests could never be accused of subtlety.

    On the other hand “Loss of talented materials leads to diminished strength” is spot on.

  18. Knownot says:


    Is blind. I know, of course. But at the start
    Of every Lunar Year, I remember
    An incident, a true epitome
    Of pure, malignant, unfair, random, impure

    Years ago; it was the afternoon
    Before the festival. A rather old-fashioned,
    Small commercial block was closing down.
    The management turned off the mains electric,
    Closed the doors and locked the building up.
    They did not know that in the lift was a

    Suddenly. The darkness of a tomb.
    Perfect, eerie silence. Did he shout
    And bang the walls at first? Then he knew:
    “Three days before they come.” (Or that year was it
    Four?) Did he have a watch that lit,
    Or a lighter (if he smoked)? If not,
    He could not know how time was passing. Did he
    Urinate and . . . No, it gets too foul.
    I’m sure the lift was too small to lie down in.
    Did he sing, or pray, or think aloud,
    Or jabber nonsense . . . creeping, creeping time.
    At last he heard some sounds, some steps, some voices,
    At last.

    Returns. A button pressed, and duly lift doors

    Confusion, as he stands and stumbles out.
    Stench and filth. Isn’t this delusion?
    No, a living man, who cries, “Give me

    Be a lady tonight.” Words of a song.
    Each Lunar Year, I cannot help recalling
    That luckless man. Luck, be at least
    A little helpful, please be fair. But Luck’s
    A bitch.

  19. Ping Che says:

    See what happens when you hurt the feelings of the Chinese people:

  20. Joe Blow says:

    I was walking through Central along the Escalator this afternoon, my old neighborhood and stomping ground, marveling at all the new towers that were not there one year ago, and it seemed that all the people of China were there as well. I don’t know about their feelings but if you want to practice your putonghwa, you know where to go.

  21. Chinese Netizen says:

    @Ping Che: Perfect nose cutting to spite the face. Fk em all in Peking and Hang Chow. They don’t deserve any footy other than their own ever losing men’s national team.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *