HK gets tough on filthy disease-ridden hamster bastards

Following widespread criticism that its Covid policies are unscientific, incoherent and futile, the Hong Kong government decides to bolster its credibility by ordering a round-up of hamsters. (Live action pix here.) The small furry rodents – long accustomed to spending their lives behind bars – cannot even hope to be put into quarantine. An altogether darker fate awaits them

Humanely dispatching hamsters on a selective basis could not control the epidemic completely and may cause loopholes. To protect members of the public and safeguard public health, it is necessary for the AFCD to humanely dispatch those consignments of hamsters as soon as possible, to prevent the COVID-19 virus from spreading further.

…For the arrangement of taking in hamsters by the department, please call 2691 2269. Members of the public may also send their hamsters to the New Territories South Animal Management Centre.”

Some brave Hongkongers are now sheltering hamsters in secret hiding places in their homes. The authorities are also hunting down Cathay Pacific staff suspected of attending hamsters’ birthday parties. A kung fu master and YouTuber called Checkley Sin announces his intention to run for Chief Executive. Localist icon Edward Leung is released from prison at the dead of night. A slice of life in Hong Kong in early 2022.

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20 Responses to HK gets tough on filthy disease-ridden hamster bastards

  1. donkey says:

    I do not doubt that Witman Hung owns a hamster.

  2. Chihuahua (Mesocricetus Canis Unfamiliaris) owners should be very afraid.
    AFCD operatives are not known for their species identification correctness.
    In the meantime:

  3. Hamantha says:

    “Cull the cats… Disembowel the dogs… Putrefy the parrots… Raze the racehorses… Let no creature stand before my triumph over the plague!” – Carrie the Hampailer

  4. Load Toad says:

    The cluster fucking incompetent useless cruel dystopia that is Asia’s World Shitty has reached its nadir


  5. The Flagellator says:

    I wonder if hamster aficionado and Dalai Lama buddy Richard Gere will pile in to the debate?

  6. The Flagellator says:

    “Great Hamster Cull” sounds a lot like “Blue Oyster Cult”, which then leads automatically to:

  7. Chinese Netizen says:

    @donkey: More likely a gerbil.

    @Load Toad: Yet to be seen. Yet to be seen…

    Hamsters only have a short life expectancy anyway so maybe they’re getting off easy rather than staying in mostly miserable HK style housing accommodations.

  8. Kwun Tong Bypass says:

    Oh boy!
    With Checkley the commies will get an election!
    Like I have evely molning!

  9. Joe Blow says:

    Soon all furry little things in HK will be forced to wear a star around their little necks when in public.

  10. Red Dragon says:

    Joe Blow,

    Would that be the Gold Bauhinia Star?

  11. Big Al says:

    Since patriots are immune from COVID, I’m assuming that patriotic hamsters will not be culled? Quite the opposite, in fact. They’ll probably get a small sunflower seed.

  12. Chinese Netizen says:

    @Jow Blow: I know some furry little things that can just shave it into the shape of a star…

  13. Carrie Lamster says:

    … then they came for the trolley dollies…
    … then they came for came for Fluffy…

  14. justsayin says:

    2014 Umbrella Revolution
    2019 Revolution of Our Times
    2022 Hamster Revolution

  15. Ro-dented image says:

    You know the government are behaving like a bunch of kindergarten dimwits when “hamstergate”, a rodent death scandal comes hot on the heels of the “Birthday Party incident”.

  16. where's my jet plane says:

    Hong Kong’s Cathay Pacific to face further legal action if there is ‘sufficient evidence’ it exploited quarantine exemption rules
    What about all those fuckers in the administration and allied trades that have been to and fro across the border like it was going out of business without a hint of quarantine?

  17. Low Profile says:

    If the government is culling all life forms at risk of spreading Covid-19, can we hope that the birthday party guests will be next on the list for the long sleep? In the case of Odious Ho, no need to do it too humanely.

  18. MeKnowNothing says:

    Seeing how humans – like hamsters – are rather susceptible to infection by the COVID-19, shouldn’t they too be culled?

  19. steve says:

    Commenters are on fire today. Thanks to one and all.

  20. HK1980 says:

    I really feel like we need Hemlock back, in order to lighten up these times…

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