How to really impress ultra-fastidious Mainland officials

There’s a plan to segregate perfect, healthy passengers on Mainland flights from the potentially filthy and diseased ones on international services at the airport. (Diagrams here, showing that both categories of departing passengers will in fact mix in the Gates 1-24/shops area. Groundside, of course, everyone can mingle all they want.) This is to try to convince Mainland officials to open up the border. 

There’s also a plan to make use of the LeaveHomeSafe app compulsory in all restaurants. This is also to try to convince Mainland officials to open up the border.

This follows the lengthening of quarantine for some arrivals to 21 days (medically redundant), and 14 days’ compulsory isolation for discharged Covid patients (also medically redundant) and a tightening of quarantine exemptions – all to try to convince Mainland officials to open up the border.

How much more inconvenience and pointlessness must we go through to demonstrate to Beijing our eagerness to please? Here is my grand genius modest proposal…

The government to issue an edict requiring all residents, every time they leave their homes, to: a) paint their faces purple; b) hang a pineapple from their necks; and c) hop on one leg everywhere they go. This edict will be in force for one entire week, with transgressors to be arrested for inciting sedition and subject to serious penalties. The aim being, of course, to try to convince Mainland officials to open up the border

If Chinese authorities still won’t do it after that, then we can surely conclude that there’s no satisfying them, so we can forget the whole thing – scrap all this extra-quarantine, segregation and apps stuff and get back to something more like normal.

Thank you for your attention.

And this just in…

Henderson Land have bid over HK$50 billion (US$6.5 billion) for a patch of land on Central harbour front. Rather than hope to make a profit by developing huge high-rises that blot out the light and trap air, they’re going to build three surprisingly low buildings – the artist’s impression shows them at around 10-15 floors, so it must be true. And they’re going to devote huge amounts of space to the public in the form of green sitting-out and recreational areas, which absolutely won’t ultimately end up mysteriously becoming inaccessible and indeed rented out to luxury exclusive tenants thanks to loopholes no-one foresaw. Isn’t that amazingly nice of them?! 

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12 Responses to How to really impress ultra-fastidious Mainland officials

  1. where's my jet plane says:

    Quite simply, SWMO is wasting her time. Beijing has no intention of opening the border for two reasons. First, HK is full of politically unreliables who may well contaminate good, honest mainland folk if allowed to mix. Second, HK’s role must be destroyed as the so-called gateway to the world to be replaced by proper Chinese cities such as Shanghai as part of the country’s retreat into isolation.

  2. asiaseen says:

    Given that there is yet to be an election for the LegCo 7th term how can Ms Ip announce that she is standing for RE-election to it?

    Just Asking

  3. Joe Blow says:

    What would be the profile of a Vagina Ip – voter? I have never met anyone who liked the duplicitous bitch.

  4. A Poor Man says:

    Joe Blow – I am guessing a submissive who barks like a dog while being whipped by his dominatrix.

  5. Hammy says:

    @Joe Blow

    I was at the pool of a private clubhouse in a fancy apartment complex in Lohas Park (near Tseung Kwan O) and noticed that a Chinese family had brought one of Regina Ip’s “Learn English” books with them.

    I suspect the family in question may have been from the Mainland as they fit a few of the typical characteristics of Mainland Chinese families living in/around this area. That is: loud, inexplicably wealthy, and living a very sheltered life with maids at their beck and call.

  6. justsayin says:

    @Joe Blow I’d imagine that there are a few members of the black shellac professional baijiu drinkers’ society up north who would be big supporters of Broom Head, and their political preferences seem to count for most everything in HK these days.

  7. Chris says:

    Anyone else surprised by the Final Appeals ruling that one must physically be present at a riot in order to be locked up for being a “joint enterprise” participant in it?

    I had been expecting the HKPF to bring out the cucking stools for identifying joint enterprise seditionists. Wiley foreign forces and wrong-thinkers cannot be reliably identified by oath taking errors or flat notes during the march of the volunteers. Patriots must tie the right thumb to the left big toe and dump suspects into the harbour to know for sure whether a he was involved in a joint enteprise thought crime.

  8. Guest says:

    From the RTHK article:

    “The mainland side wants to see LeaveHomeSafe as the key apparatus to trace people from Hong Kong, who eventually test positive [for Covid-19], where they have been in the last 14 days.”

    “Tien said the app could help officials find out whether Hongkongers on the mainland had been to the same place in the SAR as someone found to be infected.”

    Didn’t the government say that LHS doesn’t violate its users’ privacy? “There is no platform that collects the data,” said one official earlier this year.

  9. Red Dragon says:


    “…black shellac professional baijiu drinkers’ society…”

    Love it!

  10. Low Profile says:

    @Joe Blow – I haven’t seen the whole show, but on the BBC’s “Hardtalk” interview, the host pointed out to Ip that in the 2019 District Council elections, her party didn’t win a single seat. I guess there aren’t many Ip voters to profile, though she responded that they had nevertheless increased their vote.

  11. steve says:

    I don’t think your plan will work. There will be a run on pineapples, with blocks-long lines at every ParknShop and Wellcome in town. Prices will skyrocket. The black market will explode, profiting only the Heung Yee Kuk triads. It’ll be the Maxim cake coupon debacle all over again.

  12. Chinese Netizen says:

    “I was at the pool of a private clubhouse in a fancy apartment complex in Lohas Park (near Tseung Kwan O) and noticed that a Chinese family had brought one of Regina Ip’s “Learn English” books with them.”

    Probably handed out free of charge at immigration by an “NGO” linked to Vag’s party so they can claim she has a bestseller.

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