City reels as man seen in car that looks like someone else’s

With the Beijing officials responsible for guiding Hong Kong’s quasi-election apparently on a luxury yacht off Phuket, unbridled disgrace continues. The Standard reports that ‘core’ supporter of Chief Executive candidate CY Leung drove ‘notorious gangster’ Shanghai Boy to the Fanny Law-Heung Yee Kuk Dinner of Infamy in his own car. But wait! There’s more! The paper adds that Eastweek magazine – part of the same Sing Tao group – reports that it was a car that “looks like one that Leung owns.” (Could it have been the big black shiny one? The one with four wheels? Yes it could.)

Refined ladies faint with shock on learning that such horror can take place right here in the Big Lychee. First, nice polite civil-servant-next-door Donald Tsang dons a polo-neck sweater and transmutes into some sort of carrion-chomping, billionaire casino-dweller. Next thing, his former colleague, the lovely demur Fanny – whose glorious and no-nonsense views on school suicides once almost had me begging for her hand in marriage – mutates into a foul-mouthed, finger-chopping triad-ess floozy with tattoos on her thighs. What is happening to our city?

The shocks reverberate as far away as the North American prairies. The normally staid Calgary Herald (est. 1881) takes a break from its usual coverage of grain silo fires and drunken Red Indians to blurt out its amazement at how the hunt for Hong Kong’s next boss has degenerated “from farce to buffoonery.” While bits of the article may be debatable, it is on the whole a candid summary of the quasi-election so far, as seen by a stereotypically Canadian wide-eyed innocent who has wandered into the bustling, glitzy Big Lychee from the dusty wheat fields…

Sir Donald’s discomfiture came as Beijing’s plans to replace him with … Henry Tang blew up in its face.

[Hong Kong] is an oligarchy where effective power is in the hands of a cartel of tycoons whose fortunes are based on ideologically corrupt land development deals … Since the British left in 1997, however, these cartels have come into their own as the ruling tycoons have embedded themselves with the extended families of the Chinese Communist Party.

This evidence of rot at the top has left many Hongkongers, already rebelling against the Chinese identity being thrust upon them, troubled that regressive mainland civic values and shady business practices are infecting the territory

Sometimes you need a stranger to tell it like it is to your face.

Even the world of creativity and beauty finds itself wiping little patches of mud off itself. The West Kowloon arts hub organization is thinking of changing its name from the Bureaucrats Know Everything About Culture So Shut Up Department to something a bit less tainted by what the South China Morning Post describes as “various political and funding scandals.” The Independent Commission Against Conflicts of Interest, perhaps.

You don’t have to come from the broad expanses of Alberta to qualify for an ‘Out of the Mouths of Babes and Innocents’ Award. We have home-grown ingénues of our own, and who fits the bill better than the Liberal Party’s James Tien – the thinking man’s Henry Tang?

Tien imagines that the quasi-election on March 25 could end up producing no winner. The conventional response is that Beijing will arm-twist loyalists into voting one way or another rather than hold a hasty and humiliating second campaign. But, by this stage, if a mile-long cylindrical object from the Planet Zarg silently glided over Victoria Harbour and beamed CY and Henry up for experiments, I wouldn’t be especially surprised.

Tien says of his party’s voting intentions: “Our original choice was Henry because he used to be one of us and we feel that he’s knowledgeable about the commercial community…” (Does the 2012 Euphemism of the Year Award already have a winner? For ‘knowledgeable about the commercial community’ read ‘determined to keep Hong Kong in the grip of a parasitical property cartel’.) “…but his popularity has dropped so much over the last couple months,” Tien continues. Then the guileless textiles scion concludes: “This is not universal suffrage but we still have to respect public opinion.” On top of disgrace, shock, horror, farce and buffoonery comes tragedy.

 

 

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27 Responses to City reels as man seen in car that looks like someone else’s

  1. expat says:

    Well done, top marks today. ‘Drunken Red Indians’ and ‘James Tien – the thinking man’s Henry Tang’ in one column. Classic stuff.

  2. So is it time for another print run on Hemlock’s “James Tien for Mensa Chairman” t-shirts?

  3. Alan Freeman says:

    Summer is coming and it’s time for the Beach Boys, pop pickers!!

    That LITTLE OLD LADY FROM PASADENA classic is so topical with a few Morris Minor adjustments!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQMqgSaZZmM

    The little old crook’s Yee Kuk dinner
    Go grampa, go grampa, go grampa go
    Has yucky food not fit for cleaners
    Go grampa, go grampa, go grampa go
    And parked in Leung’s rickety old garage
    Is no new shiny red Super Stock Dodge

    And everybody’s saying that there’s nothing meaner
    Than the little old crook’s Yee Kuk dinner
    Leung drives fast and he drives real hard
    He’s the terror of New Territories boulevards

    Tarra!!!

    Fluff XXXX

  4. Chopped Onions says:

    Can James Tien spell Mensa?

  5. Real Tax Payer says:

    @Tom : good thing I recently resigned from Mensa ( actually true – such a load of puffed up old farts ). Because if Tien became chairman I would HAVE to resign in protest

    This deserves a re-run of the old Kiwi/Aussie immigration joke .

    Re-cast in HK today’s terms it runs thus :

    “Not just ET but also CY should be happy every time a Leung camp supporter moves over to the Tang camp, because then the average IQs of both camps go up ” (think about that one …)

    But on other much more important matters … Oh how my heart bleeds for poor REDA. It’s indeed so “grossly unfair” that they should be asked to publish accurate details of the new flats their members sell site unseen.

    This, I believe, is the same REDA that 18 months ago commissioned an external consultancy study on their public image, the results of which could not be published because , when the consultancy firm finally found an S&M porn writer willing to use at least 3 x ‘f’ words / sentence ( followed by “awful”), the whole report was banned by the Obscene Publication Board .

  6. Incredulous says:

    Crikey! And still 11 days to go…

  7. maugrim says:

    Some random thoughts: ‘Grossly unfair’ would make a good title for a book about the goings on in HK’s property market, the ‘gross’ perhaps being a pun on the issue of ‘quantity’ advertised versus supplied.

    Wouldn’t one of C.Y’s cars have some ghastly numberplate such as LCY 6969 that would make it easy to identify. This is HK after all.

    Fanny has enough family cash not to need to work and has foung ‘the Lord’, so who knows what her plans are. Its funny the things that go through a man’s mind when the caller says ‘please, call me Fanny’.

  8. Real Tax Payer says:

    @Maugrim

    This campaign is also coming down to the people ET and CY have chosen

    I don’t know anything about Fanny’s religious beliefs but I do know she is a straight and honest person

    I like the Nixon test : ” would you buy a 2nd hand car from this man?”

    Put on the ET side – David Li ( convicted USA inside trader/ fine paid / known tycoon stooge) vs on the CY side Fanny Law (the same Fanny Law who resigned on as head of the ICAC over a matter under her time as Education Sec in which she didn’t actually do anything wrong, but who was accused and so resigned on principle)

    (WIKIPEDIA : Fanny Law … in late 2006, she was appointed Commissioner of the ICAC … resigned from the post following a government inquiry into interference with academic freedom at the Hong Kong Institute of Education while she was Permanent Secretary…However the Court of First Instance held that Law did not violate the institute’s right to academic freedom)

    Hum hum : guess I know from whom I will certainly not be buying any 2nd hand cars in the future …

  9. Dopey says:

    @Maugrim

    His silver Mercedes has a CY#### plate, as spotted in Edinborough Place car park.

  10. Stephen says:

    I note we have had another pearl from Allen Semen who now will vote for The Horseman because he’s doing better in the opinion polls … Must be an opinion poll taken with a few like minded twits in Phuket.

    I must commend the ‘anyone but CY’ alliance this week who have come out all guns blazing and have found out an ex triad boss was at the same dinner (tables for 100+) as campaign chief Fanny – Is that all you’ve got !

    Oh and lastly RTP I would not buy a car from Fanny or K11 Baz.

  11. So, So Thirsty says:

    @RTP & Stephen

    I wouldn’t buy a second hand car from anyone in Hong Kong on the simple premise that an honest Hongkonger would be too poor to own a car in the first place.

  12. maugrim says:

    Dopey, I thought as much. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it. You’d think Eastweek would notice wouldn’t you?

    RTP, don’t be so sure. I wonder what Magdalena Mok and Prof Bernard Luk’s opinions would be?

  13. Walter De Havilland says:

    I just wish it was over. Then I could get my life back, because the tension of this election is killing me.

  14. Just Curious says:

    @ WdH

    Can you imagine how tense Horse Face is feeling or for that matter Mrs Horse Face? I’d like this thing to run forever – its almost a good as Eastenders on the run-in to another murder.

  15. Free TST says:

    The article from the Calgary Herald is a reprint of an article from the Vancouver Sun. The author is no “stereotypically Canadian wide-eyed innocent” but rather someone who worked 25 years as a foreign correspondent back when newspapers actually had such things. Five of those years were spent here in HK.

  16. Colonial says:

    Come on Free TST, in Hemmer’s eyes he’s just another uppity colonial.

    Full bio here:

    http://www.vancouversun.com/columnists/jonathan_manthorpe.html

  17. Tiu Fu Fong says:

    @RTP – what was the attraction on joining Mensa in the first place? It’s existence has always struck me as merely satisfying a group of people’s craving for external validation/recognition of intelligence – usually a craving brought about because their actual achievements, thoughts and contributions fail to prove that they are especially intelligent or competent.

    It’s somewhat akin to Hong Kong ‘high’ society’s craving for respectability.

  18. Chopped Onions says:

    If you go down to the Shell garage on Arsenal St, right opposite the police station, they will sell you a container for HK $20 that you can then fill with said inflammable and legally carry it around HK. My handy tip for all those fans out there of good old fashioned ways to demonstrate your displeasure…

  19. Real Tax Payer says:

    @TFF

    I agree completely. You are 100% correct ( and no, that’s not tongue-in-cheek)

  20. Joe Blow says:

    One thing all Mensa members have in common is that they will let you know -within 12 minutes of meeting them for the first time- that they are ‘a member of Mensa’.

    *nota bene: I am pissed off at Mensa because I failed the entry test*.

  21. Knit One, Pearl One says:

    @ TFU

    I concur with the query/statement. I get the impression that most Mensa members while away their waking hours nibbling themselves silly on knob cheese.

  22. Probably says:

    @RTP, you actually accepted your invite from MENSA in the first place!

  23. Probably says:

    ….and for the record (on MENSA topic) I passed the entrance exam (twice) but still turned them down.

  24. Probably says:

    Totally agree with ‘knit one pearl one’

  25. Real Tax Payer says:

    @All

    HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am NOT ET ! ( Nor Mr I -wanna- cast-a- blanka – vota Tien)

    ( I only joined Mensa as a possible way to get access to some really superb Hi – IQ “beautiful” puzzles devoid of cultural or linguistic skills, but finally realized it was a dead-end . I then realized I could do much better on the www )

    Pls let’s drop this stooooopid mensa BS thing.

    Concentrate on how to turn Sunday 25.3 afternoon’s ” Sweet Caroline ” Sevens theme song into a song of ‘victory’ ( or defeat? ) depending on who finally wins in the Sunday AM vote.

    I swear I will post the result on the big display as soon as it is announced . It only costs $100 to charity .

  26. Chopped Onions says:

    Violence, it has to involve extreme violence, otherwise I’m not gonna watch !

  27. KC says:

    @Free TST & Colonial

    Well, driving in Richmond for about five minutes would teach any Vancouverite more than enough about the antics of our race.

    Then again, almost all major Canadian cities are getting strangely Sinified. There are actually people in Calgary that would give a damn about the contents of that article.

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