“A jobless scrounger is set to have a TENTH child by a TENTH different girl – after making two new partners pregnant,” it says here.
A voice of reason responds: “Worthless specimens like [aforementioned jobless scrounger/feckless love rat] Macdonald should be given a stark choice: earn a living to support your children or we’ll sterilise you so you can’t have any more. Of course, that would be a breach of his ‘human rights’ – but does anybody care? It’s time society fought back.”
What a fascinatingly exotic part of the world it must be where such things happen! A 25-year-old man gets his living costs paid by the taxpayer on account of his bad back (not to mention uncanny resemblance to the Missing Link) and sets out on a mission to impregnate every available woman within a 100-mile radius, all or most of whom subsequently also become wards of the state, along with their mini-Link prodigy.
How can anyone not want to visit such an intriguing, surreal and otherwordly place, where it is not unknown that a jobless scrounger “wakes up with a can of lager every morning.” I might even have the good fortune to spend some money on items subject to this wondrous country’s 20% sales tax, thus contributing in my own small way towards the anticipated 45.9 billion Pounds the unrestrained scattering of Missing Link sperm will end up costing the astoundingly good-natured public of this outlandish and bizarre nation. It will be a pleasure and a privilege to be present in such an unforgettably and thrillingly eccentric milieu.
That, at any rate, is what I tell myself through gritted teeth, as I pack my bags before boarding my flight for the United Kingdom. The next few days’ output on this site will be dedicated to the email correspondent who writes “I like the posts in black ink but not the ones in green ink.” Unless I have the opportunity to write an eyewitness account of the lynching of the Sunderland Shagger.*
*Which would have to take place well south of the Severn-Wash Line.