Like dark-chocolate Pocky

“[The Haitians] were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever … And they got together and swore a pact to the devil.  They said, ‘We will serve you if you will get us free from the French.’  True story.  And so, the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal’.”

And so, Pat Robertson explains (live!), a bit over 200 years after Haiti’s slaves overthrew their masters with unspecified Satanic assistance (in Bonaparte’s time, actually), God decided to wipe out a large number – maybe 100,000 – of their descendents by grinding some of the planet’s tectonic plates together to produce an earthquake.

The multi-millionaire TV evangelist has also said that the 9-11 terrorist attacks took place because the Almighty was withdrawing His protection from the US owing to the country’s unbridled abortion, homosexuality and other sins.  The same went for Hurricane Katrina’s devastation of New Orleans (a city settled by white Haitians who had not made a pact with the devil, but, as he says, ‘whatever’).

People who doubt Robertson’s mental health need to bear three things in mind.  First, he has previously stated that anyone who sings John Lennon’s tiresome ‘no religion-no possessions’ dirge Imagine will burn in Hell.  Second, he is a believer in the Illuminati/New World Order, an evil secret global cabal that runs everything behind the scenes; it includes – get this – the family of Hong Kong’s number-one tycoon Li Ka-shing, to whose corporate empire many of us pay more for cartel-provided goods and services than we hand over to the government in taxes.  Third, he believes the European Union is a creature of Beelzebub.  This is a man who knows of what he speaks.

His Christian Broadcasting Network became the first evangelical TV channel available in Hong Kong, way back in 1978, when pretty much the only churches in this city were traditional, lame, peace-and-love, Catholic, Anglican, nonconformist-type places with their cuddly, sandal-wearing deity hugging everyone and understanding their problems.  Since then, the Big Lychee has witnessed the rise of a serious evangelical movement, with its venomous, hate-filled, bullying, terroristic God who demands sacrifices of animals, children and reason just to show who’s boss and smites recalcitrants’ great-great-great-great-grandchildren with natural disasters for good measure.

And it is increasingly well-connected.  Give it another few years and the press release will read: “Hong Kong government expresses support for righteous visitation of plagues of boils and floods of molten brimstone upon the sodomites, harlots and Lucifer-worshiping sons of Ham.”  This is a God for men.

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3 Responses to Like dark-chocolate Pocky

  1. Mike says:

    Frank Schaeffer (former leader of the religious right) wrote an excellent article about Sarah Palin and Fox News in which he examines evangelical beliefs and why they are so bloody scary. (

    You have millions of people around the world living in what is, essentially, a apocalyptic cult in which all decisions are based on the realization of Armageddon… How is this still a valid point of view in a world experiencing the biggest scientific and moral revolution since the Renaissance?

  2. Sam says:

    Chill, Mikey. Don’t take these people too seriously.

  3. Da Docta says:

    You didn’t point out that Robertson has done a leap-of-faith deal with US Jews to justify the continuation of the Gaza concentration camp and the state of Israel. This is the only significant fact about Robertson.

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