Not The South China Morning Post

Dr George Adams' Daily Punch
Snippets from 1998

Owing to the appalling standard of local television we the non brain dead in Hong Kong are increasingly dependent on cheap pirated compact discs for entertainment. Video is great - but sometimes of awful quality. The last horror I bought was a disc set of Saving Private Ryan which had actually been filmed directly from a TV screen. My last foray to Fortress Hill yesterday was fruitless however. All the stalls were closed, all those that is which sell the little illegal discs in the plastic packets.

What was going on? Of course, another raid was in the offing. All the triad boys in the malls in Fortress Hill always get good warning of these alibi law enforcement exercises by the Customs and Excise Department and have plenty of time to lock up shop and scarper. The shops selling a mixed bag of legal and illegal wares have had time to switch stock so that only the legal stuff is on show. Three local members of the police farce walk around in uniforms just to show how marvellous law and order is in Hong Kong. Oh well, it's back to normal tomorrow. Thank heavens for those nice whistle blowers in Customs and Excise. Otherwise we might have to start paying for copyright material in Hong Kong.
The Daily Punch: No 9 - 21st August 1998


How can you tell the SCMP's news is now dominated by two recent imports from the awful British Sun newspaper? Clue: look at the above picture
[Albert Cheng and large quantity of blood on pavement] from yesterday's front page splash in the South China Morning Post, the paper which only this week featured another hypocritical homily from its editor Jonathan Fenby on his paper's restraint on cheap sensationalism. The photographer of course did all he could to help before getting his pic....Tastelessness aside, it is obvious even to us dimwits at NTSCMP that Albert Cheng, the outspoken radio talkshow host who was chopped and almost killed on the way to his studio yesterday morning, was another victim of the Chinese Communist Party's well-known tactic of employing "hooligan elements" to silence opposition. This practice of using triad bullies and hitmen dates back to the formation of the Communist Party in China. Of course, as usual, the local police are "baffled" and the number of suspects grows hourly...
12th September 1998       PASS THE SICK BAG, MONICA

Glen Slagg writes... Clinton, aren'tcha just sick of him???? It isn't the fact that Mr Blowjob used a cigar as a dildo, it isn't important that he came over her dress, what really counts is that the man is such a tasteless hypocrite. If I see him once more on the TV telling religious leaders he's going to pray for guidance. UGGGHHH!! As a fellow Oxonian, I am disgusted at his lack of balls. If he just told the world he had a bimbo explosion and things got out of hand...Get out of here, bent prick. Get a life!!!!
Bill Clinton. Don'tcha just love him???? All those Southern Baptist pricks pontificating and forgiving. If the guy wanted to pork a few bims in the Oral Office, let him!!!! Whose business is it anyway??? Intern, my turn and I know which pretty girl I'd like to have on her knees....Come on Rita. Get Jonathan's tongue out of there and take a Panatella up your butt.

16th September 1998     
Lines on the deaths of George Wallace and Yang Shangkun

So farewell then George Wallace and Yang Shangkun.  One of you was a poor misguided stick-in-the-mud who presided over a fading outdated world of cruelty, ignorance, prejudice and exploitation. In the end, after a volley of gunshots, you had to admit you were wrong and came to embrace what you had been opposed to all your life.  The other just didn't like darkies.

27th September 1998        

Hong Kong's latest queue is not for stamps, flats or free rice - it's for Snoopy dolls at McDonald's, a different one every day for a month. Vomit and litter line the streets, fisticuffs arise at McDonald's Esstoiletten (they aren't restaurants, that's for sure). For some reason, the British Snoopy doll is the most popular and its high black market price explains the queues. Even a SCMP photographer ventured out into the streets of Quarry Bay (where the Post is compiled) to take a snap of his local queue to fill a yawning gap on the front page. Fast food - fast news...

With every fourth shop boarded up, rising unemployment, empty restaurants and a plunging stock market you might have thought a strong message of economic readjustment had permeated through to the Hong Kong population. But what's this? The Ritz Carlton hotel in Central offers overnight stays in polluted air and with depressing views of an overbuilt harbour side for HK$ 1556.00 per night (about US$ 200).   In Shanghai the Westin is offering the same dubious favour for about a third of the price. The same week, a 36% per cent drop in tourist income is announced. It seems some people in Hong Kong still have the old arrogance - when anyone with a shop, hotel or half a skill could demand huge fees for service. Not even a halving of the price of flats this year has persuaded hoteliers to get real. Oh dear. More shocks ahead... 

NB: Hong Kong is another Chinese city. Nothing special. Get it? 
Clinton and his blow job girls - who cares? They're all so tawdry and far too easy. Frankly, I've seen better broads down at Seven Eleven. Speaking as a fellow Oxonian, I'm disappointed in his taste. That's all you can say. As for the political, legal and moral angles,anyone who didn't know Clinton was a scumbag before he started lying about this particular issue..well, stick to Baywatch, honeys.

Can't wait for the stock market to sink locally myself. Far more interesting. Incidentally, can you imagine Tung Chee-hwa and anyone in a sex scandal.  You can? Pass the sick bag, Alice...