Diary entries - 18
Not the South China Morning Post

Patsy
Dear Gentle Readers,

Of course all you little party bunnies have just arived back into Hong Kong from a wicked week or two in the Land from Down Under and I trust that not too many of you ended up chundering whilst in this previous prison colony.

By the way, do you know where the word chunder comes from?   Well it�s education time from your favourite columnist.  

When all the Australian forebears were being shipped from dear old blighty to Australia, very often the seas were rough.    Of course Her Majesty did not lavish too much money on the Prisoners comfort and had bunks six high in the bilge�s, a very rough place to be at any time, but especially so during storms. 

Naturally quite a few of the �passengers� were seasick and if you were on the upper bunk, out of courtesey the person in the upper bunks would shout out �Watch Under� just prior to spewing his guts out.    This phrase naturally got shortened to �Chunder� as the needs got dire.

Enough of education, let�s talk about something exciting� me !

Well whilst all of you were there attempting to look absolutely fabulous, I was here taking on all the left overs and those cute things passing through this ex colony on the way to their seventh heaven. And there happened to be quite a few who managed to pass through my way, I can assure you.

I hope that not too many of you took illegal substances during the party, it�s almost the same statement as does Brad Pitt have a small one ?   

I hear that the organisers really did organise things this year and actually had a DJ in the bogs, how considerate of them.   I mean there is nothing more annoying than having a gang bang without music.   I hope that that dear boy who I had in the urinal last year has healed enough for him to be able to enjoy himself this year in his favourite position and pose !

Whilst talking about urinals, I do wish that you party goers would not pee in such places, I mean you get soaked to the bone and can catch an awful cold.   Why can�t you sit down at the bogs like all real ladies do ?

Also I am always totally amazed at how many butch Queens there are out there.   For all of the  perceived stereotype which Joe normal envisages of a group of Mary�s , is that we can only but sew, cook fabulous quiches and clean.   BUT, my my, when a queen wants a dark public area, such as a public loo,  doesn�t she just know how to turn off those lights, not only turn the things off but to actually short circuit the whole fuse board. 

In Taipei there is a notorious cottage, so I am told, which is in New Park just across the road from the Presidents Palace. This particular cottage has a large following of mincing Mary�s, mainly due to the fact that the place is also frequented by the �secret police� who are guarding the president.   How do you know if they are secret police?  Well whilst they are down on their knees, their radio chatters away from inside their camp little handbag which they are carrying !

Anyway I digress, this particular bog has the city electricity department beat I assure you.   You observe the men from the electricity department arrive during the day and somehow manage to get the lights working. By 10 that same evening the lights are fused out again. Very often you will see them out for 5 days before the electricity department is able to �mend� the problem.   Such ingenious little bunnies we are with knitting needles !

Then there are those queen�s who are quite adapt at mining.   To actually bore your way through 4� (100mm) of solid brick in public toilets is quite an amazing feat considering that I have never once heard the sound of jack hammers, drills, knitting needles, hammer & chisel etc in one of the many cottages which I have had to frequent.   But yet there they are , a nicely formed hole of 50mm diameter, 857mm above floor level in each and every bog cubicle wall.   Amazing.   Yes there are some quite imaginative and practical poofs out there.

Oops must dash dears, I have an appointment at the bogs and have just been to the hardware shop today.   Guess what I�ll be doing tonight.

Keep it up and keep it safe,

Patsy.
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